Servants of the Kingdom

SERVANTS OF THE KINGDOM

12-16-2018

The Parable of Vineyard Laborers

Matthew 20:1-16 NET Laborers In The Vineyard:  "For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. (2) And after agreeing with the workers for the standard wage, he sent them into his vineyard. (3) When it was about nine o'clock in the morning, he went out again and saw others standing around in the marketplace without work. (4) He said to them, 'You go into the vineyard too, and I will give you whatever is right.' (5) So they went. When he went out again about noon and three o'clock that afternoon, he did the same thing. (6) And about five o'clock that afternoon he went out and found others standing around, and said to them, 'Why are you standing here all day without work?' (7) They said to him, 'Because no one hired us.' He said to them, 'You go and work in the vineyard too.' (8) When it was evening the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, 'Call the workers and give the pay starting with the last hired until the first.' (9) When those hired about five o'clock came, each received a full day's pay. (10) And when those hired first came, they thought they would receive more. But each one also received the standard wage. (11) When they received it, they began to complain against the landowner, (12) saying, 'These last fellows worked one hour, and you have made them equal to us who bore the hardship and burning heat of the day.' (13) And the landowner replied to one of them, 'Friend, I am not treating you unfairly. Didn't you agree with me to work for the standard wage? (14) Take what is yours and go. I want to give to this last man the same as I gave to you. (15) Am I not permitted to do what I want with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?' (16) So the last will be first, and the first last."

All of the parables included in the gospels distinguish various aspects of the Kingdom of God.  Note that the gospel of Matthew employs the phrase, “The Kingdom of Heaven”.  It is claimed by some that Matthew wrote his narrative specifically for the Judeans (Jews) and they expected the kingdom to come from heaven.  This does not give evidence that people will be raptured away to live in heaven, but rather that the glorification of heaven will be presented on the earth by God.  Luke employs the phrase, “The Kingdom of God” because Jesus Christ returning from heaven will rule the earth as King and this (the earth) will be His kingdom.

The first verse makes it clear this parable is about the Kingdom of Heaven (or God).  The first or beginning workers who symbolically agreed to be kingdom workers would literally be the apostles and several others around Judea.   The next group would be the crowd who spoke several different languages as Peter and other apostles preached after receiving an anointing of the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit allowed Peter to speak to speak to the crowd and all understood him in their native language.  This is the true meaning of “speaking in tongues”.  The modern babbling instances border on heresy.  About 3000 believers accepted the message concerning the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ and were baptized into the faith.

Acts 2:41 NET So those who accepted his message were baptized, and that day about three thousand people were added.

As the apostles, including Paul, and other believers spread the word other sincere believers came forward and repeated the actions of the apostles.  This process of preaching and explaining the gospel message of Jesus Christ has continued down to the present time.  All true believers (i.e. Kingdom workers) regardless of the length of their service prior to death will be paid (rewarded) the same.  Length of service is not an issue but the quality of service, as will be explained in the next parable, is very important.

There are many claiming to be believers of the gospel message but are all believers actually kingdom workers?  Does salvation automatically merit you a glorified body in the first resurrection?  Unfortunately it does not.  Salvation will allow you to receive little or no punishment at the second resurrection but it will not necessarily grant you access to the first resurrection.  Only the sincere, completely forgiving kingdom workers with the mind of Christ (and other things to be discussed later) will partake of the first resurrection to be appointed preachers, teachers, and Melchizedek priests under the leadership of Jesus Christ.

The Parable of Ten Minas

In the parable of the minas given to slaves (i.e. servants), verse 19:15 claims that the King (Jesus) had returned to his land (earth) after receiving the kingdom.

Luke 19:15-21 NET The Parable of the Ten Minas:  When he returned after receiving the kingdom, he summoned these slaves to whom he had given the money. He wanted to know how much they had earned by trading. (16) So the first one came before him and said, 'Sir, your mina has made ten minas more.' (17) And the king said to him, 'Well done, good slave! Because you have been faithful in a very small matter, you will have authority over ten cities.' (18) Then the second one came and said, 'Sir, your mina has made five minas.' (19) So the king said to him, 'And you are to be over five cities.' (20) Then another slave came and said, 'Sir, here is your mina that I put away for safekeeping in a piece of cloth. (21) For I was afraid of you, because you are a severe man. You withdraw what you did not deposit and reap what you did not sow.'

Mina:  An ancient weight or denomination of money, of varying value.  A weight containing 50 shekels, according to Hebrew usage.

The King had given each servant a certain amount of minas which is symbolic of the express authority and ability to transmit the gospel message.  Each servant had been given equal amounts of ten minas.  The first subject doubled the amount of minas.  The second subject only earned five minas.  The third reported subject buried his mina and did not attempt to earn anything.

The first who doubled his amount was awarded authority over ten cities, the second was awarded five cities, and the third reported servant had his minas taken away and given to another.  The first and second will be a part of the first resurrection and the first will receive more authority than the second one due to his kingdom work ethic. 

The third will have to wait for the second resurrection.  Although at that time, he will receive a glorified body (i.e. abode or mansion in the KJV) with little or no punishment (i.e. the fire of God) he will not be given any authority.

It is generally believed by many that all unbelievers are punished in “hell,” while all believers receive “eternal life.” There appears to envision a type of divine democracy, where all individuals 00are treated equally, depending only on whether or not they believe in Jesus Christ.  However, there are two resurrections; and all the elect of the first resurrection will not receive the same reward or authority.

The Parable of the Talents

Matthew 25:13-40 This parable is similar in content to the parable of the minas.  However, this version uses talents as a value of currency rather than minas.

Talent:  If the talent was silver it would be equivalent to 3,000 shekels, 6,000 denarii,

or 94 3/7 pounds of silver.

This parable features a man going on a journey rather than a King receiving a Kingdom which could be a parallel feature or issue.  Also each of three servants were given differing amounts:  5 talents; 2 talents; and one talent.  Each servant was told to invest their talents and earn even more.  The 5 talents earned 5; the two talents earned two; and the third servant with one talent buried it in the ground and earned nothing.

Verse 25:14 is the key verse which says, “To one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, each according to his ability”.  This implies that if a person can manage well at his/her level of ability he/she can be trusted to manage even more.  The first two mentioned servants were both put in charge “of many things”.

Robertson’s Word Studies:  According to his own ability. Each had all that he was capable of handling. The use that one makes of his opportunities is the measure of his capacity for more.

Fire; Hell; Judgment

The source of the fire in the “lake of fire” which most believe is “hell” is the throne itself. Thrones symbolize authority and law, or more specifically, the administration of the law by one in authority. To be seated upon a throne signified that the king was issuing decrees or judgments in an official capacity according to the laws of the nation or in this case, the laws of God in the Kingdom of God.

Man punishes; God judges.  Burning people alive in hell is not justice, it is punishment. True justice is never fully accomplished until all the victims of injustice have been recompensed and the sinner restored to grace. This cannot happen in a human devised prison system, nor could it happen by torturing sinners forever, nor could it even happen by annihilating all sinners in fire. All of these alternative methods represent punishment, not divine justice.

The Elect, Chosen, Saint, Overcomer

The Jubilee year was called every fifty years and was a time for forgiveness.  It stood as a reminder of God's providence and mercy.  The dedication of a year for this emphasis provided the community with a time to come back into right relationship with one another and with God. 

The Jubilee was a season of total forgiveness and the complete evisceration of all debts:  legal, monetary, and criminal.  All land was restored to its rightful owner; all slaves and indentured servants due to unpaid debt were set free with no recurring penalties for that particular debt. 

A better word that is easily understood is “forgiver”.  An overcomer is essentially a person who forgives or lives by the principles and standards of the Jubilee as written above.  It is a person who is living or growing up into the Kingdom of God which is the laws and standards of Jesus Christ.  It is one who is coming into a state of maturity in Him. An Overcomer is putting on His Father’s mind and is coming to agree with what God does in the earth and how He accomplishes those goals. He is learning to say “Amen” to all that God does, bearing witness to Him in all things, and not disagreeing with Him. An Overcomer is one who is coming to understand the Father and His ways.

Revelation 3:21 KJV  To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.

Revelation 3:21 YLT He who is overcoming--I will give to him to sit with me in my throne, as I also did overcome and did sit down with my Father in His throne.

The Parable of the Wedding Feast

Matthew 22:1-14 NET Jesus spoke to them again in parables, saying: (2) "The kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who gave a wedding banquet for his son. (3) He sent his slaves to summon those who had been invited to the banquet, but they would not come. (4) Again he sent other slaves, saying, ….”Come to the wedding banquet."  (5) But they were indifferent and went away, …..(6) The rest seized his slaves, insolently mistreated them, and killed them. (7) The king was furious! He sent his soldiers, and they put those murderers to death and set their city on fire. (8) Then he said to his slaves, 'The wedding is ready, but the ones who had been invited were not worthy. (9) So go into the main streets and invite everyone you find to the wedding banquet.' (10) And those slaves went out into the streets and gathered all they found, both bad and good, and the wedding hall was filled with guests. (11) But when the king came in ….. he saw a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. (12) And he said to him, 'Friend, how did you get in here without wedding clothes?' But he had nothing to say. (13) Then the king said to his attendants, 'Tie him up hand and foot and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth!' (14) For many are called, but few are chosen."

The Kingdom was first offered to the Judeans (Jews).  The kingdom was described as a wedding banquet (i.e. the true Church will be the metaphoric “bride of Christ”).  Jesus and his disciples spread the gospel of the Kingdom and Jesus taught many lessons and performed many miracles, but the religious leaders and many of the population did not respond. 

The religious leaders declared war on the believers and proceeded to beat, imprison, and kill many of them throughout Judea and further north as they delivered the gospel word.

In 70 AD the Roman army destroyed Jerusalem and set the remainder on fire.  Most of the Christians in the area, heeded the words of Jesus found in Matthew 24 and fled the city to a northern location.  The believing group then traveled to various places.  One apostle went to India, another to Egypt and other apostles and believers spread out into the Roman world of Turkey, Greece, and other European areas.  They garnered many believers throughout the land and the majority were descendants of the northern ten tribes of Israel who had been forced to leave the Canaan area and later migrated to European areas.

Verse 14, “For many are called, but few are chosen" refers to the above discussed “Elect, Chosen, Saint, Overcomer” group and not to everyone who claims to have made a statement of faith.  One person is indicated who did not receive the first resurrection and he was to be 'Tied up and thrown into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth!'

The “weeping and gnashing of teeth” is not literal pain but rather it symbolically represents regret, dismay, remorse, and anguish which again is not literal.  The dead souls do not think or express emotion, but the verse serves to imagine their thoughts.

Forgiveness: The Key Of The Kingdom

FORGIVENESS: THE KEY OF THE KINGDOM

08/03/2018

What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is the act of pardoning an offender.  The Greek word translated “forgiveness” literally means “to let go,” as when a person does not demand payment for a debt. Sin is a debt, either to God or to another person which would also include sinning against God.  Jesus used this comparison when he taught his followers to pray: “Forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is in debt to us.” (Luke 11:4) Likewise, in his parable of the unmerciful slave, Jesus equated forgiveness with canceling a debt (Matthew 18:23-35).

We forgive others when we let go of resentment and give up any claim to be compensated for the hurt or loss we have suffered. The Bible teaches that unselfish love is the basis for true forgiveness, since love “does not keep account of the injury.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NET (4) Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. (5) It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. (6) It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. (7) It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Forgiveness is the underlying principle of the Gospel message.  It is both difficult to explain and understand without appearing legalistic or giving the impression of promoting a doctrine of works.  It is not a work, however, if it is done purposely it may not be real forgiveness but merely an act or a type of work. 

Forgiveness is realized through sanctification of the Holy Spirit within the heart of the believer.  When a believer is motivated and led by the Spirit to uphold the Laws of God, some transgressions are relatively easy to avoid, such as:  fornication; adultery; theft; murder; violence; etc.  Even some non-professing individuals can be good moral people and not perform the sins mentioned in the previous sentence.  However, true forgiveness will require an anointing of sanctification by the Holy Spirit through the power of the Holy Spirit.

As noted in the Freedom From Delusion article, Unforgiving Servant, the people of Jerusalem and Judah, around 600 BC, were given an opportunity to declare a massive act of forgiveness to their slaves, servants, and bondspeople by enacting and celebrating a Sabbath rest year which they had never done before.

The people initially agreed to forgive the debts of the servant class and then changed their minds and put the debtors back into servanthood.  Because of this change of mind God nullified His promise to stop the Babylonian army from destroying the city and allowed it to happen.

Ancient Babylon first laid siege to Jerusalem around 605 BC.  The grace period for Judah had run its course and God used Babylon to foreclose on their debt note.  Jeremiah 34 explains that the people of Jerusalem prayed to God asking for mercy similar to the parable servant who owed 10,000 talents.

God sent word through Jeremiah offering an answer.  The solution was for Judah to actually enact a rest year which was something they had never done, however the king and the people agreed to proclaim a Sabbath rest.

Jeremiah 34:8-10 NET The LORD spoke to Jeremiah after King Zedekiah had made a covenant with all the people in Jerusalem to grant their slaves their freedom. (9) Everyone was supposed to free their male and female Hebrew slaves. No one was supposed to keep a fellow Judean enslaved. (10) All the people and their leaders had agreed to this. They had agreed to free their male and female slaves and not keep them enslaved any longer. They originally complied with the covenant and freed them.

Everyone freed their slaves and servants.  The above scriptural final sentence states, “They originally complied with the covenant and freed them”.  All the slaves, servants, and bondpeople were released from all debts and servanthood.  This allowed God the position to forgive Jerusalem and Judah of their debt to the law of God.  The Babylonian military would be stopped and turned back leaving the people of Judah with their freedom and life.

The problem was – the people reneged on their promise and later reclaimed their servants and slaves.  They had been forgiven a tremendous debt note of sin, but they could not forgive their neighbors of their small debts.  Or perhaps, they were too selfish to live without servants and slaves.  As a consequence, God’s grace came to an end. No extension of grace was given to them. God canceled their Jubilee and sold all Judean survivors into Babylonian bondage for the next 70 years.

Just like the days of Jeremiah, we are currently given an identical choice, which will determine whether we escape the sword of Babylon (metaphoric) or not. We may either retain the debts of others by holding grudges against them, or we may declare a Jubilee and forgive all our debtors.

Matthew 6:12 NET and forgive us our debts (transgressions), as we ourselves have forgiven our debtors.

Word Study Dictionary

Debt: opheílēma; gen. opheilḗmatos, neut. noun from opheílō (G3784), to owe. Debt, that which is owed, which is strictly due (Rom_4:4). Also an offense, a trespass which requires reparation.

Matthew 18:21-22 NET Then Peter came to him and said, "Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother who sins against me? As many as seven times?" (22) Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, I tell you, but seventy-seven times! (literal versions translate this as seventy times seven, which is the correct translation and should be metaphorically understood as “every time with no limit”)

When one forgives a wrong you are not condoning the wrong or acting as if it never happened, you are simply letting it go.  As a spiritual benefit, letting go of anger and resentment can aid you to keep calm, improve your health, and increase your happiness.

Proverbs 14:30 NET A tranquil spirit revives the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones.

The Bible actually condemns those who claim that bad actions are harmless or acceptable.

Isaiah 5:20 KJV  Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

We are not allowed to pretend that the offense never happened. God forgave King David of serious sins, but he did not shield David from the consequences of his actions. God even had David’s sins recorded so that they are remembered today. (2 Samuel 12:9-13).

Forgiving does not mean allowing others to take advantage of you. If one makes a bad non repaid loan, the debtor may be forgiven by not harboring resentment, not rehashing the matter with him continually, and perhaps even canceling the debt altogether. However, you might also choose not to loan that person any more money.

Psalms 37:21 NET Evil men borrow, but do not repay their debt, but the godly show compassion and are generous.  (this passage is comparing two types of individuals and is not saying the Godly should continue giving the evil man more loans)

Proverbs 14:15 NET A naive person believes everything, but the shrewd person discerns his steps.

Galatians 6:7 KJV  Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

Joseph

Joseph’s brothers sold him as a slave.  He ended up in Egypt enduring years of suffering in the dungeon. Years later, after their father had died his brothers considered, “What if Joseph bears a grudge and wants to repay us in full for all the harm we did to him?" In fear, they came before Joseph and said, “Here we are; we are your slaves”.  His reply to them was, “Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God?  As for you, you meant to harm me, but God intended it for a good purpose, so he could preserve the lives of many people, as you can see this day.  So now, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your little children."

Joseph was a forgiving Overcomer. He saw that God had a purpose in all of those past trials, and it was for a good purpose. God could have delivered him at any moment, but He did not. It took years for Joseph to work through his bitterness and to come to a true knowledge of God and His character. But this passage of scripture shows that Joseph was not a bitter man. He had overcome. He had not only learned to forgive; he had learned that his brothers had only been part of a great Master Plan of God.

The Lord Jesus Christ

First off, let it be clear that Jesus Christ lived a sinless life and thus overcame all issues during His 33 years of human existence. 

The religious leaders attempted to steal His rightful throne as King of the Kingdom by issuing false charges and then allowing Him to be executed by the Romans.

The Lord was whipped almost near death.  He was then nailed by large spikes to a cross, jabbed with a spear, mocked, ridiculed, and then allowed to die.  At some point after He was nailed to the cross, Jesus stated:

Luke 23:34 NET But Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing."

Stephen

Acts 6:8 states that, “Stephen, full of grace and power, was performing great wonders and miraculous signs among the people”.  Stephen enraged the Jews and Edomites causing a group of them to seize him and bring him before a council for trial.  Stephen, representing himself, gave them an Old Testament history lesson which is found in Acts 7.  The infuriated Jews and Edomites ran him out of town and stoned him to death.

Acts 7:55-60 NET But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked intently toward heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. (56) "Look!" he said. "I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!" (57) But they covered their ears, shouting out with a loud voice, and rushed at him with one intent. (58) When they had driven him out of the city, they began to stone him, and the witnesses laid their cloaks at the feet of a young man named Saul. (59) They continued to stone Stephen while he prayed, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit!" (60) Then he fell to his knees and cried out with a loud voice, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them!" When he had said this, he died.

Immediately before his death, Stephen cried out with forgiveness in his heart, ”Lord, do not hold this sin against them!”

Those who sin against us are indebted to us, according to God’s law. We are their creditors. If we retain their sins against us, they are retained; and if we release their sins, they are released.

John 20:23 NET If you forgive anyone's sins, they are forgiven; if you retain anyone's sins, they are retained."

If we insist upon pressing charges against those who wrong us, God will back us as our attorney, because the law is always on the side of justice.  If we decide to drop all charges and forgive the offenses of others, God will drop all charges against them as well.

1 John 2:1 NET …..But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate (parakletos) with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous One

Word Study Dictionary

paráklētos; gen. paraklḗtou, masc. noun from parakaléō (G3870), to comfort, encourage or exhort…..used of a legal advisor, pleader, proxy, or advocate, one who comes forward in behalf of and as the representative of another. Thus, in 1Jn_2:1, Christ is termed our substitutionary, intercessory advocate. Christ designates the Holy Spirit as Paraclete (Joh_14:16), and calls Him állos (G243), another, which means another of equal quality.

Our Attitude Towards God

The general Christian secretly believes that if they are doing the work of God, and for the benefit of God, then only pleasant and good things should happen in their lives.  Several examples of the lives of overcomers have been given in this article and several endured much pain and hardship in a portion of their lives and other’s lives were terminated with a gruesome death.

Joseph spent a large portion of his early life in an Egyptian dungeon but he endured and did not curse God.  He finished his life as second in command under the Pharaoh and preserved the lives of his family and the Egyptians due to seven years of drought.

Jacob was sent to secure a wife but was robbed of his dowry by a gang of Edomites.  His future father-in-law, Laban, required him to work many years for the woman of his choice but was given the twin sister instead.  He then had to continue working the same number of years as before to get the wife of his choice.

As a young man, Daniel was forced to eat unhealthy food; he was later placed in a den of lions; his three friends were thrown into a fiery furnace because they would not bow to a statue.  God delivered all four of the Judeans from their situations but they still had to endure the situation.

Stephen was stoned for preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  The majority of the apostles were executed in some manner.  John was imprisoned on an island where he received the Revelation of Jesus Christ.

God creates a type of “tension” by promising something and then not delivering in the time and manner we had expected and wanted. Suddenly, we react in anger and bitterness against God. We are “hurt” that the One who claims to love us would treat us this badly. But if He had not done this, we could never apply the Jubilee Principle to the most basic problem in human nature which is bitterness against God.

If we can learn to release God of His (temporary) injustices toward us, we can release the sin-debt that any man owes us.  This is the real secret of the Jubilee attitude and must be understood to really understand the meaning of grace.

Luke 17:7-10 is an example, given by Jesus, of the correct attitude one should have if one feels mistreated by God.

Luke 17:7-10 NET "Would any one of you say to your slave who comes in from the field after plowing or shepherding sheep, 'Come at once and sit down for a meal'? (8) Won't the master instead say to him, 'Get my dinner ready, and make yourself ready to serve me while I eat and drink. Then you may eat and drink'? (9) He won't thank the slave because he did what he was told, will he? (10) So you too, when you have done everything you were commanded to do, should say, 'We are slaves undeserving of special praise; we have only done what was our duty.' "

The key component is humility.  Our purpose is to live for the will of God and to be His servant – not the other way around.  Unpleasant things may happen but there is always a purpose in the plan of God.  Always avoid blaming God for not providing things we consider promised in His Word even though we may feel they are legitimate.  If we cannot forgive God then how can we forgive another person.

A Testimony From Stephen Jones:

What a marvel that God would make it so simple that anyone could become a part of the remnant of Overcomers! Until I read Jeremiah 34 and Matthew 18, I thought I had to attain some sort of quasi-sainthood as the Church defines it— yet all my works, my education, even my faith only proved to be filthy rags. Everything I did seemed only to prove I was unfit. Qualifying for remnant status is not a matter of works, no matter how good those works are. You will not qualify by working miracles, or by spending long hours in prayer daily, or by disciplining yourself to read the Bible for many hours a day. Miracles are good, and it is even better to pray and read the Bible. This may be the road to a better understanding of the Word, which is certainly helpful, but it is not the path to remnant status. You were not saved by disciplining the flesh; neither will you be perfected by disciplining the flesh.

It is not necessary to be a Doctor of Theology, a mighty preacher, or a super-spiritual person.  The law of Jubilee (i.e. the remitting or forgiveness of all debts both physical and spiritual) should not be an offense to anyone.  The way to overcomer status is open to all, even the poorest of Christians.  It can be anyone from a stay-at-home housewife, a ditch digger, or a mechanic.  It is not necessary to be a pastor, preacher, missionary, or a Bible scholar.  The Kingdom of God is within the reach of everyone, even the lowest of the low (i.e. the little people).

It is occasionally easy to forgive, and most people do so, until the next time their neighbor offends them. Suddenly, all the old offenses are brought up and remembered again.  If we do this, then we are not a forgiving overcomer.  Anyone can qualify but few will actually do so.  It is not easy but it is simple.  It is only a matter of learning the art of grace, and that God is busy teaching this to us every day by giving us people to forgive.

Why does God send trouble your way? Why does He allow people to offend and humiliate you? It is to give you the opportunity to learn the art of grace. As a Christian, you have been enrolled in God’s school, and the prime course of study is the Grace of forgiveness.  Instead of learning grace, we learn bitterness, which makes us profane and a good example to not follow is Esau.

Most of us assume that if we forgive our offenders, they are let off the hook and free to do as they please while we unfairly suffer from their actions. We also may think that we have to be friendly with them again, or go back to the old relationship. While God commands us to forgive others, he never told us to keep trusting those who violated our trust.

Colossians 3:12-13 NET Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, (13) bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others.

Matthew 6:14-15 NET "For if you forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (15) But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you your sins.

Luke 17:3-4 NET Watch yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him. (4) Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to you saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him."

Ephesians 4:31-32 NET You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk. (32) Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.

From Focus on the Family by Rose Sweet

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/forgiveness-and-restoration/forgiveness-what-it-is-and-what-it-isnt

Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook. We can and should still hold others accountable for their actions or lack of actions.

Forgiveness is returning to God the right to take care of justice. By refusing to transfer the right to exact punishment or revenge, we are telling God we don't trust Him to take care of matters.

Forgiveness is not letting the offense recur again and again. We don't have to tolerate, nor should we keep ourselves open to, lack of respect or any form of abuse.

Forgiveness does not mean we have to revert to being the victim. Forgiving is not saying, "What you did was okay, so go ahead and walk all over me." Nor is it playing the martyr, enjoying the performance of forgiving people because it perpetuates our victim role.

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling. We can forgive someone even if we never can get along with him again.

Forgiveness is a process, not an event. It might take some time to work through our emotional problems before we can truly forgive. As soon as we can, we should decide to forgive.

We have to forgive every time. If we find ourselves constantly forgiving, though, we might need to take a look at the circumstances that sets us up to be continually hurt, attacked, or abused.

Forgetting does not mean denying reality or ignoring repeated offenses. Some people are obnoxious, mean-spirited, apathetic, or unreliable. They are unlikely to ever change. We need to alter the way we respond to them and quit expecting them to be different.

Forgiveness is not based on others' actions but on our attitude. People will continue to hurt us through life. We either can look outward at them or stay stuck and angry, or we can begin to keep our minds on our loving relationship with God, knowing and trusting in what is good.

If they don't repent, we still have to forgive. Even if they never ask, we need to forgive.  Forgiveness is about our attitude, not their action.

It is sometimes not necessary to tell someone you have forgiven them. Self-righteously announcing our gracious forgiveness to someone who has not asked to be forgiven may be a manipulation to make them feel guilty. It also is a form of pride.

Withholding forgiveness is a refusal to let go of perceived power. We can feel powerful when the offender is in need of forgiveness and only we can give it. We may fear going back to being powerless if we forgive.

We might be pressured into false forgiveness before we are ready. When we feel obligated or we forgive just so others will still like us, accept us, or not think badly of us, it's not true forgiveness, rather it's a performance to avoid rejection.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It's normal for memories to be triggered in the future. When thoughts of past hurts occur, it's what we do with them that counts. When we find ourselves focusing on a past offense, we can learn to say, "Thank you, God, for this reminder of how important forgiveness is."

Forgiveness starts with a mental decision. The emotional part of forgiveness is finally being able to let go of the resentment. Emotional healing may or may not follow quickly after we forgive.